just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You may now shotgun with the bride
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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