He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
