Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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