do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
sarcasm needs its own font
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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