Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
