4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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