i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
