Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
