Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
