I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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