I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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