Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
