No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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