Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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