I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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