I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
