Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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