Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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