how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There r osticjed everywhere
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
