she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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