So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
