i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
