She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I have fence marks all over my body
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
