She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
