i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
