I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
