the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
