Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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