Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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