He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
