Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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