Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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