okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
