is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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