Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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