elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
