fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
