Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
