you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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