So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We are all done wearing pants today
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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