I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
