I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
