My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
PANTIES FOUND
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