i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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