if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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