hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
