Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Randomize
