Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
