i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
