Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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