She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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