I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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