today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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