so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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