If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
