I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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