so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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