What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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