so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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